Don't You Dare!

Well looky here! I have more pictures.

We've all seen these No Smoking signs.

As well as other signs that tell you not to do stuff.



And, of course, logos and bumper stickers that use the same concept.

(That's a tiny car.)


But in Europe, the signs don't specify what it is that you're not supposed to do.

Thank you, Kacey.


Apparently, it's just a "Don't do it!" sign. Here are just some of the "Don't do it!" signs that I saw in Europe.


From what I can tell, maybe they're "Don't be blue" signs. I don't know.

I have many more photos now, and some videos. This blog is going to be rocking soon enough.

Today's quote of the day was originally said yesterday by my friend down the street.

Quote of the Day

My wood looks weird. It's all uneven.
-Angel (Yes, that's his name.)

Trust me when I say that it's not what it sounds like.

Library Nonsense

You know how news channels find stupid shit to cover on days when nothing's happening? That's essentially what I'm about to do.

I was really bored in the school library, so I decided to go to the nerd books section.

Here we have the Circle of Magic series. The one you see here is Book Three: Air.


Followed by Book Four: Pie.

I wish I had magical pie powers.

Here's an odd find. Handbook for Boys. Do boys need a handbook? I mean, everything's pretty self explanatory in a guy's world. No real confusion.


Except that, apparently, some people are unaware that books are for reading.

Perhaps the picture isn't bold enough, but the book appears to have been pissed in.

And... well, this book just seems like a blatant nerd-fest.


Todays quote is a reflection of my sentiments at the moment.

Quote of the Day

The life of the creative man is lead, directed and controlled by boredom. Avoiding boredom is one of our most important purposes.
-Saul Steinberg

Until next time...

...don't talk to strangers, unless they are less creepy-looking than this guy.

School Reading

I hate school-assigned reading projects.

Don't get me wrong; I love reading, just not for school. Now, if my English class did a science fiction unit, I'd seem like an over-achiever. But nooooooo! They've got to go and read old, worthless novels like Don Quixote, Brave New World, The Once and Future King, Fahrenheit 451, To Kill a Mockingbird and 1984.

Ok, so I somewhat enjoyed 1984 and Fahrenheit 451, but they're still a bit on the old and long-winded side, much like my freshman English teacher.

My sophomore English teacher, on the other hand, is another story entirely. You'll have to take my word for it that she's better-looking than most of the good-looking students, but that's not why I liked her class. I liked her class because she was new to teaching, and consequently viewed it from an un-jaded perspective, unlike most teachers. I grew very fond of being treated human, having fun and learning, all at the same time. She was, quite possibly, the best English teacher in the known universe; that is, until she made us read The Once and Future King.


I wasn't too fond of its bleak repetition and endless descriptions of unimportant things.

Dane, however, seemed intrigued. He spent the full hour each reading day with his nose buried deep in his book.


I broke his concentration when I took this picture. See? Look at his hands. He's already jumped a bit when the picture was shot.


Incidentally, that first picture reminds me of something.



Quote of the Day time! It's a dual-quote day, so we have two quotes, both of which congrue with my opinion on The Once and Future King.

Quote of the Day

The covers of this book are too far apart.
-Ambrose Bierce

From the moment I picked up your book until the moment I put it down, I could not stop laughing. Someday I hope to read it.
-Groucho Marx

I may be unable to post for a while, as my computer is slowly-but-surely dying. It had a good run; at least 8 years. But its time has nearly come. It's only a matter of weeks.

Squatters

Most days, when I sit down in front of good old Qwerty to write on my blog, I write with the assumption that my readers are competent, intelligent people. That being said, how many of you know who Qwerty is?



My point is that at times, I'm going to explain things that some of you will already know. Like now, for instance:

A squatter, in the traditional sense of the word, is a person who basically makes a permanent encampment on someone else's land. If nobody asks them to leave for 20 years, the land they "squat" on legally belongs to them (in the US, though the number may be wrong).

In the internet sense of the word, a squatter, also called a domain squatter, is a company that takes over unused URLs (usually similar to the URL of a popular website), and directs them to a page full of ads that look like totally legitimate links (to old ladies).



Today, I happened to type Bitchslapp.com (an opinion column, not porn) wrong and ended up at the much less interesting Bitchslap.com, a tragic victim of domain squatters.


As I said, it looks legitimate to old ladies.


Look. It says you can find something interesting here. Nothing more specific. Just "interesting".

Well, what's so interesting about this place?

They have all the standard, uninteresting...

SORRY, BUT I'M GOING TO INTERRUPT MYSELF HERE TO SAY THAT THIS MOSQUITO THAT KEEPS BITING ME IS REALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES. *SWAT SWAT*

As I was saying, They have all the standard, uninteresting squatter links, such as online college, get-rich-quick schemes and online dating, but what's this?

Anal Fisting? Blowjob? (I'll probably get a lot more weirdos visiting my blog for typing that.)
Anal fisting is hardly interesting, and, though blowjobs are admittedly more interesting than anal fisting, they don't seem to fit with this organisation's stated purpose:



Individuals, organizations and businesses must be clamoring for up-to-date information about movie reviews, make money online now and anal fisting,...


...as well as listen to free online music, la invasión británica, Hentai and domestic abuse.


Plus, Star Wars, just for good measure.

On a serious note, though, If I wanted to find real online dating, money-making schemes and online degrees (not that I, personally, want any of those things), where would I go to find them? There's so much garbage on the internet that certain subjects are just not searchable. I don't mean "inappropriate" garbage, but random filler that is totally useless. The internet needs to get its act together.

Today's Quote has to do with advertising, but is anonymous, sadly. It's a poem of sorts.

Quote of the Day

The codfish lays ten thousand eggs,
The homely hen lays one.
The codfish never cackles
To tell you what she's done.
And so we scorn the codfish,
While the humble hen we prize,
Which only goes to show you
That it pays to advertise.

Not a bad idea, actually, but how does one advertise a blog?

Da-na-na-na Na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na Hairbrush

Somehow, I've misplaced my photo of the bristles of this hairbrush, so you'll have to believe me that this is, in fact, a hairbrush when I say that...

...this is a weird-ass idea for a hairbrush.

The aforementioned "missing" photo was, I suspect, corrupted when I pulled the cord out early during my latest picture-grabbing session. That was a while ago, so I'm running out of photos. They're all stuck in my phone with no way of getting them out, since I have an ancient computer.

You'll love today's Quote of the Day. It's so irrelevant.

Quote of the Day

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has injured you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1,440 times a day.
-Ambrose Bierce

EDIT: Has anyone else noticed that the Batman above has an old-fashioned jesus-style halo?

The Glue Bottle

During the school year, there's a class right before lunch called "advisory". It's a sort of study hall, but I always spend the period in my Spanish teacher's classroom. She doesn't make us study.

Who needs studying, anyway, when you have scissors?


Dane and I certainly don't. Destroying random objects with scissors is great fun.


I'm not really sure what I expected to happen, but I was thoroughly surprised when the head came off the lid of this glue bottle.



I cleft it not in twain; nary! The thing just popped right off.



The problem was that we couldn't get it back on.


So, I did my best to hide the broken bottle and look as inconspicuous as I could.


Thankfully, Mrs. Scott wasn't paying any attention.

She's next to Dane's blurred head.

Quote of the Day

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who don't.

Dig Dis, Y'all

If you're unfamiliar with my position on the emerging gangster (black, not Italian) culture, I really don't care for it. I have a hard time taking any of these Wegroes, Negroes and Mexican-egroes seriously because they dress, talk and act so ridiculously.

Between the excessively baggy and sagging clothes,...


...the odd hats and equally odd ways of wearing them,...

(I didn't write "Straight up Gangster" on this picture. Someone else did.)

...and overall strange behaviour,...


...I just can't make sense of this culture.

So how could I understand these people better? Ah! I know! Put myself in their shoes (and the rest of their get-up as well).

So I decided one day to try to match the gangster style. First off, let's list the criteria:

• overly large and/or randomly tucked shirt
• ill-fitting pants (optional: with one leg rolled)
• poorly placed cap obscuring part of face
• facial expression bordering on "I just ate twenty lemons"
• bodily pose and movement that simulates cerebral palsy combined with marginal retardation
  

The end result:

I threw in the inside-out pocket just for good measure.

Oh, and while I'm on that subject...

Quote of the Day

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
-Mark Twain

Until tomorrow, warmest saluta...
er...
Peace out, bitches!

I Have to Park Where?

Some people at my school don't park properly.

I wouldn't consider myself one of them.

The school, however, rather that forcing the marching band to practice in a different spot, makes the students go find a parking spot that's not in thew way of the band.

I don't have a picture of it, but one day I parked just next to a properly parked car, essentially creating a new row of parking spots. Others soon followed suit. Now, we weren't double parked, as none of us were blocking other cars from leaving.

But, the school got its panties in a knot and gave me detention for parking where I did.

Where the fuck else am I supposed to park?

I kid you not: they told me to park in the back of the parking lot. See my car? It's that whitish dot in the back-right corner of the parking lot.

There would have been a long line of cars parked out there with me, had I taken the picture earlier, but this is after I got out of detention.

Here it is closer up.



Quote of the Day

Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
-George Eliot

BX-travaganza

I've been digging through my old pictures.

These are from a trip to the BX at Randolph AFB at the end of last school year.

Dane and I browsed around and inevitably found ourselves in the video game department, as is typical of guys in department stores.


Some of the offerings were a bit off-the-beaten-path, such as Freedom Force vs. The 3rd Reich.

I suppose it's just blatant patriotism that the Kamikazes aren't in the game.

Then we wandered over to the movies and found "pulse-pounding action that's sure to keep you on the edge of your seat."

Super Inframan. Hmm.
Super = more than
Infra = less than

That means that he's more than less than a man, meaning that he's likely on the less manly end of manliness. This could also be ascertained by his tights, helmet and face paint.


Later on, in the video camera department,...


Dane encountered a TV wearing a hat.


Such a hat may have passed as reasonable, had it been St. Patrick's day, but this picture is from late May.


Alright, kiddos. Put on your math hats. It's time for a basic price comparison.

Here we have Powerpoint for $99.95. A bit pricey, but whatever.


Here we have the entire Office suite, including Powerpoint and three other programs...


...for $79.95.


So if you pay less, you get more. That's sort of like the lunches at school.




Quote of the Day

Defeat never comes to any man until he admits it.
-Josephus Daniels

Samson

Darth Magnon

This is Mrs. Magnon, she was my World Geography teacher.

Most people think she's not a Sith Lord. But she is.

As you see, she is planning on attacking Europe. Perhaps she will form an alliance with Isaac.

Before you ask, "How could such an innocent, happy looking woman invade Europe?" You might want to meet her other side.

Meet Darth Magnon, the Sith Lord she becomes AFTER school.

Once again, I'll warn all you people in Europe. My only advice is...

Quote of the Day

Do not underestimate the power of the Dark Side.
-Darth Vader

Final Photo

FORUM Fun!

Wanna know 5 ways to have serious fun at the Forum or any other shopping area besides visiting the "Reclaimed Water Pipe?"

Just remember F.O.R.U.M.



Find!
It won't be hard to find the most ridiculous items of stores.





Outfits!
Find your favorite outfits and try them on! See what the customers think! Shopping for clothes can be very fun: it doesn't matter if you are a boy or a girl.

Woah...and sometimes it does.



Ride!
RIDE A FREAKIN' SHOPPING KART AROUND THE PARKING LOT! w00t!


Unnerve the Customers!
It won't be hard. Customers freak out easily.
Try a rodeo!
Or horrific attack scenes


and last, but not least


Make Sleep!
You've had your fun, now go to the nearest bed and relax the day away!


So now you know how to have fun at the Lake and the Forum, keep enjoying your care-free summer!

Mint Condition

I was recently digging through a pile of old junk when I found these coins in bags. These are official US mint bags, so the coins have been in the bags since they were minted in 1990.



I had the coins' value appraised, and it came to around 36¢.

Needless to say, the coins have since been removed from the bags and have gone toward a lovely sandwich which I consumed on Tuesday.

Mother-Fucking Operational Solutions

A while back, my dad organized a meeting at which the final preparations with regard to animal testing were made for the introduction into general application of the Active Denial System.

In English, he got all the people together to sign the final papers to allow the use of the Pain Ray.

The name of the meeting was TAOS (pronounced like "chaos" but with a "T"), and, as with most military functions, it was given a coin all its own.


Since the meeting was put on by the Department of Aerospace Medicine, they wanted to do a play on the medical Hermes' staff symbol:


They ended up inadvertently playing on another image, though.


I can just see my dad being the snakes on a plane guy.

Mr. and Mrs. Lemmons

This is my Youth Pastor and his Wife. I often do incredibly cruel things to them through Photoshop and then put it randomly in a slideshow at church.

This is my most cruel work. I call it "Switch."

Rare Finds Recap

(Row 1) A "Bimbo truck, an innapropriate shelf setup, a very tiny wagon, a gay painting truck, two fortune cookies with great innuendos (which really isnt all that rare of a find),

(Row 2) A Bible game, a Beetle, Texas Icicles?, screwed up wall socket, a chasing duck,

(Row 3) A handi-capped handi-cap sign, a car that matched PD, a large flock of birds, some oddly placed oranges,

(Row 4) A Judi-Dench cat, free gas!, a store that encouraged nudity, an all-year christmas shop, the worlds biggest banana,

(Row 5) A fat switch, real dew, taco candy, a truck from the Colorodo Gulf, and a steering wheel with a bar on it...

Phew!

*********

It was a lovely first "half-year" with many rare finds.

Hopefully this post will inspire you to click on the "Rare finds" link in the "Whatchya lookin' for?" section to read the entire post.

Keep a sharp eye on the rare finds in your life, unless your blind....in that case, sorry.