Time for a new header?

Despite the amount of effort that Jake and I put into creating our wonderful header, it's getting a little old.



For one thing, I'm tired of light blue. For another, Jake's caricatures of us don't look like us anymore.

Jake grew his hair out and I'm continuing to grow my hair out. I'm trying to go for all of 2008 without cutting it.


I think I'm about to crack, though. It's getting unbearably long.

So, whenever we get around to it, Jake and I are cooking up a new header.

Also, poll videos are on the way.

Newton's Three Laws of Motion

For physics class, Jake and I had to make a series of pictures demonstrating physics concepts.

So, being the over-achievers that we are (heh...) we made a video instead.



Jake somehow got credit for this in his history class as well, even though the two seconds of historical content was made up.

Mona Li... Sweet Jesus!

Much fun can be had with Cameroid if you have a webcam.

If you ever see a woman that looks like me, run. Run like a very ugly woman is behind you.

Like, zoinks, man!

Michelle and Shane say that I look like Shaggy from Scooby Doo, Where Are You?.



I see no resemblance. None at all.

The beard comes off tonight, though. It's itchy.

More Flea Market Madness

As I mentioned in the previous post, a bunch of us from my Spanish class went to a flea market a few days ago.

There were all sorts of ridiculous things for sale. David found this wrestler mask that was too small for his hair to fit in it.


I don't even think Steve (left) can see out of that one.




Cole constructed crude visual innuendos with food, garbage and flea market toys.


And Steve... did this.


But Joey bought the most awesome thing in the flea market:



The thing is made awfully flimsily for something that people are going to drop. The screen is now cracked.

Gotta Catch 'Em All!

Steve, Joey and I, as well as all the other Spanish 3 and 4 students at our school, went to a flea market the other day.

And, as usual, I saw something weird and just had to take pictures of it.


It's one of those temporary tattoo machines! Hell yes!


So, of course I bought one.


Victory was mine! For only fifty measly cents, I'd purchased a tattoo of the single most awesome children's cartoon nonsense ever!


So the next day in Spanish class, I picked a spot with little enough hair that the tattoo would stick.


I hastily stuck it to my belly with a wet napkin, but soon realised that I'd forgotten to read the directions before I stuck it to myself.

Was it 30 seconds or 30 minutes?

Whew! It was 30 seconds. And just look at that beauty!


Actually, I've never even heard of a Pokemon called Carnivine. What happened to good old Pikachu and Squirtle?


Screw you, Carnivinegay!

Vandalism is even better when it's on a person rather than a thing.


Quote Time
[Mr. Katz, a psychotic substitute teacher at my school, started yelling something toward my lunch table]
Mr. Katz: [incoherent babble] [something that sounds like "gonorrhoea"] [incoherent babble]
Me: What? Who has gonorrhoea?
Mr. Katz: You have gonorrhoea? Congratulations! [starts clapping] Join the club!
Me: [blank stare]

It should be noted that people usually only say "join the club" if they themselves are in "the club."

new profile thumbnails:

Girly Jacket and Muffins

Oh, how I love Spanish class!

My shenanigans are at their height in third period.

This picture reminds me of my friend Courtney. She's a wild one, she is. I bought her the above jacket on the promise that she'd pay me back. I did get my money back, but not before bugging her about it for weeks.


Classic bumper sticker for an atheist. Atheists, unite!

Anyway, I'm terribly off-topic. This post was originally supposed to be about the taste testing of new foods at my school. The food at my school is notoriously horrible. I guess somebody finally realised this and decided to get new food. They picked at random a few dozen people from various classes and called them into a room to taste the new stuff. Joey was one of them.

When he got back to Spanish, Joey's pockets were bulging with food. He produced several muffins, which Steve and I devoured ravenously.

[Steve and I finish our muffins.]
Joey: Man, the pizza was pretty good, too.
Me: What? You brought us muffins when there was pizza?
Joey: Erm... yes.
Steve: Muffins rather than pizza? Really?
Joey: Yeah.
Me: Dude, Joey, pizza trumps muffins by a long shot.
Joey: But... I like muffins.

Can't a guy take a piss?

I was trying to take a piss in the school bathroom a few days before the wonderful school play in which I have a role.


I looked up and saw this poster...


and my piss-flow stopped cold.


You know how hard it is to piss when you see your own face looking back at you like it's going to kill you?

It's fucking difficult!

Quote of the Day

(trying to read aloud in a classroom full of noisy seniors)
Hey! (pause) HEY! (angrily) HEY!
(All eyes are on me, including the teacher's.)
Do you know how hard it is to read with you guys being so damned loud?
(crickets)
It's fucking difficult!
(after making eye contact with everyone in the room, I sat down and continued reading like nothing had happened)

New Year in New York

Over Christmas break, I went to upstate New York to see my mom.

It was rather cold there.

And her fake Christmas tree was ravaged by the newest of her many cats

She doesn't have as many cats as I do, but she's getting there.


While I was there, we went to a skiing/tubing resort called Titus Mountain. I nearly froze my right hand off taking this video, but I did it!



Better videos soon.

Poker at Jake's

I went over to Jake's house a while ago for a crazy poker night with Forrest and Tyler. It was pretty kick-the-ass.

One thing that bugs me, though, about going to Jake's house is that he often has no soda except for Dr. Pepper.

I severely hate Dr. Pepper. I hate it so much that when Jake told me he had no other soda, I checked the fridge for myself and took the only other drink I could find.


Diet Lemon Brisk tea. Yes. I did it. That's how much I hate Dr. Pepper. It's like piss in a can. At least Diet Lemon Brisk tea doesn't taste like bodily fluids.

Anyway, I won at poker that night. We played Hold 'Em, and I won with a pair of 8s and a pair of Jacks.


Of course, with my astounding poker face,

it was inevitable.

Wow...Has it Really Been a Week?

Yes, we know the blog has been empty for a week and all you faithful readers have only been able to find satisfaction in Plexilate and Fanoto's wonderful spam in the C-box.

The lack of posting is due to a tragic even that happened to PD and I.

Yes...we were stuck in a well.

Fortunately, we had both memorized the important phrase on the note card above: "Help, Help! I'm stuck in a well!"

Yelling this for six days straight we were eventually rescued.

By some familiar friends from Indiana.

But now we're back: Home again, Jiggity Jig!

To find out how we ended up in the well, stay tuned!

Learning the Hard Way

Behold! The versatile, powerful hot glue gun.

It's great for fastening things.

I got the bright idea to fasten a cotton ball to my chin so that I'd look like Colonel Sanders.

That weird face I'm making?

It turns out that hot glue is fucking hot!


Then Steve thought it would be cool to rip it off.


As Honesty (the 'H' is pronounced) points out...


Second-degree burns and the tearing of flesh don't go well together.


Learn from my experience, children. Never hot-glue anything to your chin, then rip it off.

The Brave Crusaders

Today in history in 1098, during the First Crusade, the Massacre of Ma'arrat al-Numan took place.

Here's me as a brave Crusader!



After getting over the town walls, the Crusaders killed around 20,000 people inside.

Soon afterward, they realized they had no food and resorted to cannibalism.



It's a no wonder the Crusaders were considered such brave heros.

Make sure you pat one on the back today!

Indiana

I keep starting these new sections of Chasing Ducks.

Now I introduce a new one:

On this day in history, Indiana became the 19th U.S. State. (1816)

Now you might be thinking: "Indiana? That's a state?"

Why yes it is!


Indiana is where all Indians come from!

Now before you go check your atlas to make sure Indiana actually is a state, I have proof!


Gus Grissom, famous Astronaut, and Micheal Jackson, famous musician/pedophile, were BORN in Indiana.

Here's a picture of them with Indiana Indian Chief.

Make sure you wish all your Indian friends happy birthday.

And when they tell you that it's not their birthday, refer them to Chasingducks.com

We could use some true American readers.

My Hand!

I hope the video works.

Spray Butter

It seems to be fashionable to call oneself OCD nowadays, but I really think I am. It was worse when I was younger, much worse, but now it only flares up when I do things like butter bread.

(mumbling) "Stupid butter clumping up on my bread. Got to get it into that little corner."

I used to always think I was doomed to wander aimlessly, trying to spread butter evenly for eternity.


But then, something caught my eye.

No, it couldn't be. Could it? Could it ever be so?
I think it could! Oh, praise the heavens, it's:

SPRAY BUTTER

Finally, I can coat my bread in a perfectly even, balanced film of butter, leaving no clumps or lumps.

Now if they could just make spray peanut butter and spray jelly, all would be right with the world.

And for those who like pictures of kittens licking melted cheese:

A picture of a kitten licking melted cheese.

There are only three more days left to vote in our latest poll. Choose wisely.

PD out.

The Jesus Post

Previous to this the Pharisees had teased Judas of being gay.

*****

Ever wonder why Jesus is always depicted as a white man with well cut hair and a perfect beard.

What about that freshly bleached robe? That is blasphemy!

Jesus was a Jew from the middle east. I would be reasonable to assume that He was not white. He also was constantly traveling with no suitcase. This meant no fresh white robes for every day or a hair-cut every week.

Jesus probably wore a dirty brown robe that had holes and stains all over it. Yes, it smelled like body odor also.

This is a more logical interpretation of Jesus' appearance.

Is there a rule about photoshopping the same picture twice in a week?

'

I hope not...cause this is awesome.

'

I threw in a few disciples to add to the Jesusness. Yes...I'm that one with the sinfully wicked hair cut! Tyler has a chinstrap beard. And JP actually had a beard in that picture. Can you tell? I hope so.

'

No, PD is not Jesus. But he is of Arab descent and probably looks a lot more like Jesus than that guy in the previous picture with the white robe and face.

'

Until next time, I hope whenever you pray you don't envision PD. I apologize if I have left that scar.

What's with Europe?

European people have some pretty crazy stuff.

For instance, this lighter/bottle opener.

Now you can indulge both of your bad habits at once!

Some guy bike-locked his chair to a bike rack.

A stationary chair is a very inefficient means of transportation.

They have innuendo-laden Engrish.

...mmm

In Pompeii, the lava aparently caused plant mutations, like this gigantic lemon.

The Euro 50 cent piece is for size reference.

But of all the weird things in Europe this post, this takes the cake:

These odd Pinnochio dancing wall ornaments will "dance" when you pull the string...


...like so:


This one must have gotten drunk and danced a bit too hard.

Among the odd Pinnochio ornaments, he's probably the loser that comes to parties to which he's not invited, gets piss-drunk and makes an ass of himself.

...Unlike PD, the guy who gets invited to every party; when he leaves, everyone goes "Man, that guy is so damned awesome!"

(not photoshopped; straight out of the camera and into your eyeballs)

Lawmakers, Nazis and Never-Ending Pits

Although I hate explaining allusions, because you're supposed to know them, most people looked at this one and didn't understand.

Hammurabi is famous for his laws which consisted of a "eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth" method.

In this picture, Hammurabi is wearing an eye patch and missing a tooth, he therefore, decides there need to be laws concerning if someone stabs your eye and knocks out your tooth, then you are just in stabbing their eye and knocking out their tooth.

For all you people who understood this note card when they saw it and just read through that, I apologize for the pain. Now to the fun part:

Speaking of Law, I've recently been trying to write under the strict dictatorship of PD:

He often refers to himself as "The Grammar Nazi."

When I come to school in the morning, I often ask, "Hey dude, did you like my post last night?"

He'll often reply, "I'm going to burn you, Jake! You made so many grammatical errors, I nearly devised plans to eliminate a race from this planet!"

He'll usually throw in something about how he doesn't want the blog to look like it's written by high schoolers and that I need to do better.

And then I'll say, "...ok, sorry, but was it funny?"

"Nein!" He screams. And then he draws his sword.

(I really hate to over-use jokes...but I couldn't resist.)

"THIS IS CHASING DUCKS!" PD screams and then kicks me into Randolph's random never-ending pit.

Grammar Nazi's will kill you. When leaving a comment on this post, make sure you don't forget an apostrophe or something, PD might destroy you.

Blown Off

PD and I were definitely supposed to hang out tonight.

But he's not picking up his phone.

He must be with one of those "female-types."



"Take that PD!"




That's my angry face. With glasses.

I guess I'll spend my Saturday night all by my lonesome self. And this balled up chicken.

That's my sad face. With a balled up chicken.



Sorry for wasting your time, reader. Especially you, John Edwards...I know you're busy trying to win the election.

That's his "Vote for me" pose.

I told you I took a picture of you in New Orleans!