Time for a new header?

Despite the amount of effort that Jake and I put into creating our wonderful header, it's getting a little old.



For one thing, I'm tired of light blue. For another, Jake's caricatures of us don't look like us anymore.

Jake grew his hair out and I'm continuing to grow my hair out. I'm trying to go for all of 2008 without cutting it.


I think I'm about to crack, though. It's getting unbearably long.

So, whenever we get around to it, Jake and I are cooking up a new header.

Also, poll videos are on the way.

Ay, Mephisto!

Mephisto, Iblis, Beelzebub, Lucifer, Satan, whatever you call him, the devil is pretty much awesome. We've all met him at some point, whether you've been tempted to steal a cookie from the cookie jar or to extinguish a race from the earth using pointy sticks.

There's a big white board in my kitchen, on which my dad and his girlfriend write an on-going shopping list and to-do list. (Trust me, this is relevant.)


When I saw it this morning, there was a little doodle of a demon on it.

I'm not sure why, but I decided to draw a more elaborate devil.

It's life-size

Detail of the face, since the other picture is such crap.



I just thought I'd share with you this awesome picture.

You're welcome.

Wow...Has it Really Been a Week?

Yes, we know the blog has been empty for a week and all you faithful readers have only been able to find satisfaction in Plexilate and Fanoto's wonderful spam in the C-box.

The lack of posting is due to a tragic even that happened to PD and I.

Yes...we were stuck in a well.

Fortunately, we had both memorized the important phrase on the note card above: "Help, Help! I'm stuck in a well!"

Yelling this for six days straight we were eventually rescued.

By some familiar friends from Indiana.

But now we're back: Home again, Jiggity Jig!

To find out how we ended up in the well, stay tuned!

Thomas A. Davis, Jr.: We are Here to Destroy You!

While digging through my drawer, looking for a ruler, I stumbled upon my old drivers ed book.

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I'm sure we all remember that face we saw every time we opened the book, right on the first

page.

Followed by a delightful message to YOU from Thomas A. Davis Jr.

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His resembalance to my grandpa is quite frightening, especially considering my grandpa was a driver's ed instructor.

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Either way, I'm sure we all massacered poor Mr. Davis Jr.

Here's my lovely transformation.

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Notice the smiley face on his tie, and futuristic "shoulder enhancements."

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The holes are due to me not wanting my teacher to see the swasticas I drew by his head.

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And I'm sure we've already exceeded our legal swastica picture allowance here on Chasing Ducks.

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This picture reminds me of a mix of my band director and Hitler.

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If you have a better Thomas A. Davis Jr. in your drivers ed book, feel free to leave a comment requesting it to be posted. It just might.

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And for those of you whores who didn't destroy his face...shame on you.

Satan is at it Again

Satan was recently arrested and charged for vandalism of school property:

As they took him off I got a quick picture of him.


America: We can not let evil people like this man get away with such profane crimes. Please make sure this man is locked behind bars where he belongs.

Thank you.

The Jesus Post

Previous to this the Pharisees had teased Judas of being gay.

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Ever wonder why Jesus is always depicted as a white man with well cut hair and a perfect beard.

What about that freshly bleached robe? That is blasphemy!

Jesus was a Jew from the middle east. I would be reasonable to assume that He was not white. He also was constantly traveling with no suitcase. This meant no fresh white robes for every day or a hair-cut every week.

Jesus probably wore a dirty brown robe that had holes and stains all over it. Yes, it smelled like body odor also.

This is a more logical interpretation of Jesus' appearance.

Is there a rule about photoshopping the same picture twice in a week?

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I hope not...cause this is awesome.

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I threw in a few disciples to add to the Jesusness. Yes...I'm that one with the sinfully wicked hair cut! Tyler has a chinstrap beard. And JP actually had a beard in that picture. Can you tell? I hope so.

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No, PD is not Jesus. But he is of Arab descent and probably looks a lot more like Jesus than that guy in the previous picture with the white robe and face.

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Until next time, I hope whenever you pray you don't envision PD. I apologize if I have left that scar.

Lawmakers, Nazis and Never-Ending Pits

Although I hate explaining allusions, because you're supposed to know them, most people looked at this one and didn't understand.

Hammurabi is famous for his laws which consisted of a "eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth" method.

In this picture, Hammurabi is wearing an eye patch and missing a tooth, he therefore, decides there need to be laws concerning if someone stabs your eye and knocks out your tooth, then you are just in stabbing their eye and knocking out their tooth.

For all you people who understood this note card when they saw it and just read through that, I apologize for the pain. Now to the fun part:

Speaking of Law, I've recently been trying to write under the strict dictatorship of PD:

He often refers to himself as "The Grammar Nazi."

When I come to school in the morning, I often ask, "Hey dude, did you like my post last night?"

He'll often reply, "I'm going to burn you, Jake! You made so many grammatical errors, I nearly devised plans to eliminate a race from this planet!"

He'll usually throw in something about how he doesn't want the blog to look like it's written by high schoolers and that I need to do better.

And then I'll say, "...ok, sorry, but was it funny?"

"Nein!" He screams. And then he draws his sword.

(I really hate to over-use jokes...but I couldn't resist.)

"THIS IS CHASING DUCKS!" PD screams and then kicks me into Randolph's random never-ending pit.

Grammar Nazi's will kill you. When leaving a comment on this post, make sure you don't forget an apostrophe or something, PD might destroy you.

Riding Trojan Horses

It's unfortunate that I have to resort to death of a young child for the purpose of humor.

Perhaps it would be good to have a moment of silence for Hupert.

Pointing Fingers...Again

Kanye West should become a politician. With a brilliantly thought out speech that connects irrelevant things and involves catchy phrases like "George Bush is racist," he's sure to beat Hillary and John Edwards. Sorry, John.

Whenever anything bad happens, the first amendment allows us to blame the president.

But why blame Bush? He's already got a laundry list of things people blame him for.

1. 9/11
   
   
   
2. The War
   
   
   
3. Illegal Immigrants
   
   
   
4. The Education of Children
   
   
   
5. And not being able to legally marry another man.
   
   

Perhaps we should blame hurricane Katrina on someone else.

Babies? Satan? Terri Schiavo? No, we've already picked on them enough.

I say we blame this on Kanye West.

Yeah, that's right Kanye, you just got BLAMED!

Parachute

Well that sucks.

Up and Down the Produce Aisle

Controversial: Yes.

True: Dare I say it?

The only people that talk in a vegetative state are these guys right here:

Technically, Bob is a fruit. So he can live. But only if he moves to California.

I want to live!
-Larry the Cucumber

I Heart Russians

Way back in 8th grade, the year that everything happened, PD and I made a radio show that was never broadcast on the radio. Two of the characters were Russians, and one of them had undergone horrible brain damage due to being around too much nuclear waste.

Obviously this isn't funny to you. But it brings back good memories for PD and me, and it's our blog...so you're just going to have to deal with that.

Plus, my English teacher used this one as a bookmark.

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Ever notice that Russians always make the coolest characters in movies?

1

Lev Andropov, Russian Cosmonaut - Played by Peter Stormare - Armageddon

You Americans with your stupid technology and computers! We do this the Russian way!

2

Captain Marco Ramius - Played by the Sean Connery - The Hunt for Red October

We will pass through the American patrols, past their sonar nets, and lay off their largest city, and listen to their rock and roll... while we conduct missile drills.

3

Franstallenoskavitch Devidavinsky - Played by Missi Pyle - Dodgeball

I am in extreme state of arousal. Please to make sex all over my face.

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I'm telling you: Russians make the best characters ever. Period.

Horizontally Challenged Public Transportation Vehicle

Disclaimer: I'm not making fun of retarded people.

I'm HAVING fun with retarded people.

You guys rock!

Selena's?

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Who wouldn't do anything for a female spanish rockstar?

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This bumper is from the bus of Selena's!

(Quotes from 1997 Film "Selena.")

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Until next time, remember to approach people who might be taking advantage of your finances with caution!

Blame it on the Baby

Sometimes screaming "Balls, These are Balls!" just doesn't do it for you.

A great way to relieve stress is to blame all your misfortunes on someone else: why not babies?

They don't know any better, and they're so fat and loved: unlike you!

So next time you're just overwhelmed: blame it on the baby! Scream their names out in anger. You'll feel much better. I gaurentee it.

The Scarlet Adaption

If you've seen the movie and read the book "The Scarlett Letter," you know what he's talking about.

Don't believe me? Just look at the difference between the book's cover and the movie's cover!

Hester Prynne (the one in the low-cut shirt) and Dimmesdale look very intimate: wouldn't you say?

Oh, Nathaniel Hawthorne would turn in his grave...and like it...a lot.

Two Worlds Collide

It won't be a pretty collision.

And You Thought Hell Would Be Healthy

If this makes no sense to you, you're obviously not familiar with the contemporary christian song "Breakfast" by Newsboys.

You might find my depiction of Satan a little different from most. Good. I've always thought of Satan more as a once handsome man who has gained a couple pounds and seldom shaves or grooms himself. He's usually apathetic, disappointed and just uninterested: being the epitome of evil gets awful tiring and after thousands of years...just plain annoying.

I would say show the guy some pity, but then again...he still is the epitome of evil.

Until next time remember: You'll only get two meals in Hell.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot: I sincerely apologize about that horrible pun I used in my title.

Incapable of Sin

"But this belt sure is snazzy!"

^

You probably didn't know that most public speakers keep slaves behind their podium for various reasons which will not be written.

Whenever Something Bad Happens...

Next time your friend is having a rough day and you have to sit through a monotonous story of how sucky their life is; and then they look at you and expect you to encourage them in some way: say this.

This quote originated back in 8th grade (the year everything originated from). PD and I came up with it somehow and have used it off and on ever since.

Yes, Hidalgo was that horse in that pretty cool horse racing movie with Aragorn from Lord of the Rings.

Until next time, remember: "The locusts are not a curse...but a blessing!"